Your First Family Court Hearing: What to Expect

Big Picture: What This Hearing Is (and Isn’t)

In California, most first family court dates are short—usually around 15–20 minutes. They’re not full-blown trials with witnesses and dramatic speeches. The judge’s main job at this stage is to understand the issues, review your paperwork, and make any temporary orders that can’t wait. This could be about custody, parenting time, or support.

You won’t be “telling your whole life story.” Instead, you’ll be:

• Confirming what you’re asking for.

• Answering the judge’s questions about your situation.

• Getting next steps, deadlines, or referrals (like mediation in custody cases).

  
  

What Actually Happens in the Courtroom

Here’s how things typically flow in a California family courtroom:

1. Your case is called. The judge or clerk calls your case name and number (for example, “Smith vs. Smith”). You’ll head to the front, usually to a table facing the judge. A clerk or bailiff will show you where to stand.

   
   

2. You state your name and get sworn in. You and the other party will say your names for the record. You’ll likely be asked to swear or affirm that you’ll tell the truth.

   
   

3. The filing party usually speaks first. If you filed the Request for Order or other papers, you’ll usually go first to explain what you’re asking for and why. Then the other side gets their turn.

   
   

4. The judge asks questions and looks at your papers. Judges rely heavily on the written declarations and financial forms filed before the hearing. They use their questions to clarify details or fill in gaps.

   
   

5. The judge makes temporary orders or sets the next steps. You might leave with temporary custody, parenting time, or support orders. Alternatively, you could get deadlines for more documents, mediation, or another hearing date.

   
   

How to Prepare So You Don’t Feel Lost

Judges expect pro se parties to be organized and respectful, even if you’re nervous. Here are a few things that can make a big difference:

• Have your paperwork together. Bring copies of your filed documents (and the other side’s), any prior orders, and key supporting documents: pay stubs, tax returns, parenting calendars, important messages about the kids, etc.

  
  

• Know your “ask” in one or two sentences. Before court, write down exactly what you want the judge to order (for example, a specific parenting schedule or a specific support amount) and why that’s reasonable.

  
  

• Stay focused on facts, not character attacks. Judges decide based on evidence, law, and the children’s best interests—not who can be the most upset or negative about the other parent.

  
  

• Arrive early and dress like you’re going to an important appointment. Courts have security lines and parking hassles. Being early gives you time to breathe, review your notes, and watch how the judge handles other cases before yours.

  
  

How to Speak to the Judge (Without Freezing)

You don’t have to sound like a lawyer, but you do need to be clear and respectful.

• Always call the judge “Your Honor” and don’t interrupt when the judge or the other party is talking.

  
  

• Answer questions directly—yes or no first when possible, then add a brief explanation. If you don’t understand, it’s okay to say, “Your Honor, can you please repeat or clarify the question?”

  
  

• If you have a document to show the judge, tell the court what it is and why it matters (for example, “This shows my income for the last six months”).

  
  

Think of it this way: your job is to help the judge see a clear, organized snapshot of your situation—not to relive every painful moment from your relationship.

After the Hearing: Don’t Skip This Part

Once the judge makes orders, you may need to:

• Prepare or review a written order or judgment that matches what the judge said.

• Calendar deadlines for any new filings, mediation, or classes the judge ordered.

• Adjust your parenting schedule, support payments, or exchanges to match the new orders.

  
  

Getting this part wrong can lead to big headaches later. That’s why many self-represented folks seek behind-the-scenes help specifically with orders and follow-up paperwork.

If your first family court date is coming up and you’re feeling overwhelmed, that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It just means you’re human, and family court is a lot. With clear expectations, organized paperwork, and a simple game plan, you can walk into that courtroom more prepared and a lot less panicked.

Final Thoughts: You Got This!

Remember, family court can feel daunting, but you’re not alone. Many have walked this path before you. By staying organized and focused, you can navigate this process with confidence. So take a deep breath, keep your head up, and step into that courtroom ready to advocate for yourself and your family. You got this!